You've come to the realization that your baby's sleep might not improve on its own.
That despite your best intentions, and efforts, it's just not getting better.
You feel ready to make some changes and have talked it over with your best friend, your mom, and maybe an aunt (who might have said something along the lines of 'just let them cry').
You want your baby to have good sleep skills, to feel rested and be the happy baby you know they can be.
You also are ready to clock in a good night's rest.
You're now talking enthusiastically about it with your partner, and the look on their face is less than excited, and your heart sinks.
They don't agree.
They want you to wait, to see if it will get better on its own.
All of your planning, reading, talking, and preparation is all coming to a screeching halt.
What can you do now?
I've talked to a lot of parents whose partner has a different perspective on the situation. Often in these cases, but not always, the mom feels like the situation is bad and dad thinks it's, manageable. (I have also talked to dads who are just super done and can't wait to make changes, too!)
I hear that the partner wants to wait, or wants to try a few things first.
Honestly, I get it.
They want to try to fix the problem themselves first!
Once you've tried that, and feel like you need more help and yet still your partner doesn't agree...here are some conversation points to bring up.
"I need help"
Expressing how you've been feeling trying to manage your baby's sleep is important here.
It is tiring to have many night wakings.
Short and inconsistent naps are the worst!! (so many grey hairs to show for this!)
Maybe you bring your baby to bed because you can't possibly get out of bed one more time, but you end up nursing all night and don't end up sleeping much anyway.
Maybe you feel like you don't know what to do next, and you feel a bit lost and confused.
The list goes on!
Express yourself, tell them how you've been feeling and share what happens on a day to day basis for you and your baby.
Share your concerns
What's the real reason you want to make changes to your baby's sleep?
Some common reasons are:
Want to build a good sleep foundation
Want to have longer stretches at night (age-appropriate, of course)
Baby seems dependent on a sleep prop (soother, nursing to sleep, being held to sleep, etc)
Worried that your baby isn't getting enough hours for their age
Worried that your baby's not getting quality sleep
You notice signs of overtiredness in your baby
You're going back to work, and you're exhausted
Struggling with anxiety and/or depression and sleep deprivation makes it worse
(Hope that helps stir up some reasons for you!)
The point is, share your reasons for wanting to make changes.
For your baby and, for yourself.
Let's talk solutions
Maybe the solution is waiting it out a bit longer.
Maybe it's having your partner take over some of the night stuff.
Maybe it's turning down the volume on the baby monitor (anticipation anxiety, anyone??)
Maybe it's working on having a solid bedtime routine for your baby.
Or maybe it's enlisting some help.
Many of my clients are parents that have tried various strategies to improve their baby's sleep, and when they come to me they feel confident that it was the next best move.
The beauty of hiring someone to come help is that they are a third person, so it's not you against your partner, trying to figure this thing out.
We can come together on a plan that makes everyone comfortable AND gets results.
I know you thought I was 'just a consultant' (though I am also a registered nurse...) but I often am a counsellor. Here to help you and your family work through this and come out the other side.
All this to say, I'm here for you,
Did you know that I offer free 15 minute calls? We talk over what's going on with your baby and discuss solutions. THIS is a great call to have your partner attend:)